You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Randomize
