I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
