so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
