No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
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drunk tastebuds have low standards.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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