Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
worst night to have a conscience
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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