My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
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We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
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Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?