____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
