After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
