I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?