You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
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And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick