I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis