She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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