Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize