Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
