Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
