Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
