just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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