Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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