I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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