She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
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