My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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