He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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