if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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