TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
