At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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