I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
