i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
