I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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