as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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