the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
