Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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