Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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