I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
