brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
