K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
please come you make the beer taste better
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
