very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Randomize
