Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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