So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just invented taco cereal.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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