so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
