you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
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Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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