Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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