fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
