Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
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if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
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Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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