your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
