i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
