He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
