it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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