Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
