is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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