she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
