I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
