I'm pants shitting drunk right now
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
