what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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