So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
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You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
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The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.