genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
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Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
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Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!