Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
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But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
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I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.