just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
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I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream