why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...