Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
