Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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