i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
