I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
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As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
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Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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