I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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