My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
