my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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