I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
