Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
