I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
