Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize