She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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