im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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