someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
