Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Randomize
