he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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