just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
