the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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