I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
