I want to stick my p in your. b.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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